“When we call patients or families ‘good,’ or at least spare them the ‘difficult’ label, we are rewarding acquiescence.  Too often, this ‘good’ means you agree with me and don’t bother me and let me be in charge of what happens and when.  This definition runs counter to what we know about truly good care as a collaborative process.  From the history that so often generates the diagnosis to the treatment that is the basis of care or cure, active participation of patients and families is essential to optimal outcomes.” (181)

–Louise Aronson, Elderhood

If you pay out of pocket – more accurately, out of lifelong savings — for assisted living, you keep wondering about the finances.  The monthly fee for David’s room, meals, and meds would have covered the rent for a lovely one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, yet hourly staff probably struggled to pay for housing in Central MN.  The facility is listed as “nonprofit,” so I wonder: where was all that money going?  And since I wrote those Manhattan-rent-level checks every month, I also wonder: why was I treated as “difficult” when I asked why his belongings were in a locked closet or asked for a way to protect his shoes from his pilfering neighbor?